The Struggle

I blew dry my hair yesterday for the first time in literally months. I did it while my son whined and my daughter cried.

Today I made sure the kids’ lunches were packed, their teeth were brushed and that they were dressed properly. But I barely ran a hair brush through my own hair. 30 minutes into my day at the office, I realized that there was not a bit of make up on my face. And breakfast, although it made my kids happy, was sugar filled and lacking the nutrients the pediatrician highly recommends for their growing little bodies.

I met up with a dear friend for dinner the other night. I brought mashed potatoes, and some pretty impressive green beans to match her tasty chicken and dessert. It was really nice. But I totally missed her birthday just three short weeks ago.

I’ve been working really hard at my job. Lots of exciting things happening. There’s lots of balls I’ve dropped, too, being pregnant with my third. The biggest culprit being the  nausea..a pregnancy perk I’d gladly forgo.

Ugh. Never in my life has the phrase “two steps forward one step back” resonated with this part time working momma who just wants to do well at work, keep the house clean and her children happy, put dinner on the table and provide a serene environment for my husband. I’d like to look nice every once in a while, too.

Some days I knock it out of the park. Feel on top of my game. Other days I’m not even treading water. I’m drowning in laundry or snack requests or the dis-satisfaction of…someone.

In an attempt to grow my vocational prowess while doing dishes, I was listening to a podcast about Creativity. While listening to these tactics on being effective, creative and on my game the guy said of routine the following:

“You have to adapt your rhythm to the season you’re in”.

He was talking about to do lists, meeting styles and creativity sessions but I heard it through the stereo of a tired momma who wants so badly to be good at something for more than a  moment at a time. Who wants to make menus for a month at a time like she did before kids. The woman who could put in 40 plus hours at the office to make sure that the children’s ministry program she ran on Sunday was the best experience her little toddlers through 5th graders experienced. The woman who wants to start a decorating project in her home and actually finish it before she forgets where she was going with it. The woman who wants so desperately to have the time, energy and patience to love her children with a passion that does not run dry. Who cooks delicious nutritious meals for her children and looks stunningly beautiful on the inside and out for the love of her life. The woman who longs to encourage others but can’t seem to pull herself up by her boot straps long enough to convince herself that she can do this herself let alone affirm others. The woman who feels like she’s failing at so. many. things.

His words echo…no pound…resonate in my ears and heart and head:

“You have to adapt your rhythm to the season you’re in”.

As much as I’d like a moving worship song to be the beat of my season right now. It’s not. It’s more like a mash up of songs and beats and tempos to which I’m finding it difficult to keep time…I’m out of sync.

But it’s my season.

My little girl Charlee will stop whatever she’s doing when she hears music. She’ll sway, bounce up and down, and smile. She hasn’t lived long enough to identify the song or beat, she just knows it is music and she moves her body in  response.

I could learn a lot from her. When the music comes on…just move to the beat…move to the rhythm. Knowing the song…knowing what comes next doesn’t matter. It’s the rhythm of life and that’s all that matters.

Patty Parker

My name is Patty Parker. I write about finding beauty in the every day.

One thought on “The Struggle

  1. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS! Patty you are SUCH a good woman, mother, wife, employee, Christian, and especially encourager! Your words resound the cries of every woman’s heart, I believe. Certainly mine. Love you SO much! MomPattie

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